Front view

First time sitting on such view, feel abit weird though :x 

2014 2014?

Today is a day it is said to  appear only 19 years once. A day just happens to be 元宵 aka *Zhap Goh Meh* falls on the same day as Valentines Day. Haha. “Happy Valentines Day” Sor Lou wished me on apps.

My thought for today is, “Rather being alone than celebrating today with someone I don’t love. “  I can’t guarantee my plaster is useful on your wound, but I will always be there holding a plaster whenever you need.

It’s been years since that incident happened. I’m not sure if this is fated, the day when we were talking about what we thought of each other, its the same day 3 years later you got your heart broken for the first time. What is the god trying to tell me? It sounds creepy but it really shocked me when I read back our chat log 3 years back.

You may not know but you have a special place in my heart since that *Thor* story night.

However, Happy Valentines Day, Sor Lou. :)

Perhaps.

It’s been some time since I last on my garena. I used to have a valid reason for that but recently that reason is no longer valid.

I have come to accept the fact of the things we both wanted is so different. You wanted someone who doesn’t mind for nothing serious but feels good to spend time together, stress free kind of companionship, you said. You also tend to goes with feelings nowadays, you said. I wanted a relationship but you wanted companionship. I will never able to give you what you want. I must say I have did the best I can the last time we met up. But I guess things between us just doesn’t work out. Should I thank you for not rejecting me? Anyway that doesn’t really make much difference I guess. I’m already letting you go.  I feel its better for me to distance myself from anything related to you at least for a period of time. Didn’t talk much doesn’t mean we are not friends anymore right? Well I think you don’t really care much about me anyways.

It’s almost been 2 months since we last contact. Spacie say you should able to understand why. I guessed. Thanks to my job actually, cause I was able to occupy my time on work than missing you, but after all, do you even care? I guess not. When you apps me 2 months back asking if I’m inactive in game, my first thought was “hmmm, since when you care?” It may not be so nice to say so but that’s just how you made me feel for the past few months. You will never know how many times I thought of you and the things we did together, especially the way you look at me that night. It sounds funny perhaps now to you cause it might meant nothing much to you. I was silly to have thought that we could be together someday, I really did thought of that before.

I really hope all the best to you despite how we ended up not talking like now. Perhaps this situation is also good for both of us, at least for now.

我以为

说不在乎，也以为一点都不在乎。当听到他的消息时，突然间，想念他了。 不知道这样算不算不争气？又或许因为昨晚的梦？很混乱…可是又如何？他根本不在乎我嘛…

我和自己约会

不懂从何开始, 喜欢在写blog的时候听这首歌

或许是因为这首歌会让我更爱自己吧

歌词很贴切，实在有一段蛮长的时间，没有好好的爱自己

过去的几个月，都在好好的尽力去爱他

好好让他开心，甚至去那边陪他

那几天的相处我是很开心 有人会说：太主动了吗？

对我来说，可能是人到了某些阶段

思想的东西不一样 要的东西也变得不一样了

懂得想要就要争取

可以做的我都做了

然而，如果到了最后，付出一切的努力争取了

结果还是得不到，就算了。。。

至少有努力过就好了，尽力了，虽然还记得说，

我曾经告诉自己，努力的争取与付出，无论结果如何，只能 leave it to fate

毕竟说的时候简单 到真正要做的时候，其实蛮难的。。。

抽身而退, 不简单

一件事就算再美好，一旦沒有結果，就不要糾纏，久了你會倦，會累。一個人，就算再留戀，如果你抓不住，就要適時放手，久了你會神傷，，會心碎。有時，放棄是另一種堅持，任何事，任何人，都會成為過去，不要跟它過不去，無論多難，我們都要學會抽身而退。

我到不了

即时有多么的无奈, 又能怎样? 都已经告白过了

在我的立场, 我可以做的, 都做了, 我可以说我是真的努力过了

其余的, 也只能 leave to fate.

真的好想你。现在发现，想念一个人却不能说出口，是多么的辛苦，一点都不好受

其实最近已经算是比较好了，至少都skype了两天。现在我只想维持现状，我就很满足了。就如你说，等我过去再说，那就等吧。有时会想说，到底你在乎我吗？我所做的一切，你能感受得到吗？我是那么的喜欢你，实在是没办法。

迷迷糊糊

迷迷糊糊的就喜歡上一個人，這不是喜歡上這個人，而是喜歡戀愛的感覺。一個人對自己好一點，就喜歡上了， 也不是真正的喜歡，只是喜歡上這份好。這時，會把開心與否，全部寄托在戀情上，寄托在心上人身上，自己的心，是隨對方情緒起伏不定，左右搖擺的，自己毫無辦法，沒有主動權，這就是在愛裏迷失。

真的 很贴切

Yes I Love You

Love You Love You May I Love You.

手已經圍好城堡 心也已經備好浪潮
快完成等待完成的擁抱
別說你還沒有感覺到
我所給你的微笑 不只微笑

Love you Love you Yes I love You

你聽見了嗎'
這是我第一千遍第一萬遍心裏的回答
那身邊的人經過的人我都不牽掛
我只去 你想要去的天涯

心

我没有你女神那么性感 没有鬼鬼那么可爱 更没有米可的身材，但我想他们都是虚幻的，只有我是真的哦！ 我只有一颗喜欢你的心~

习惯

跟你聊天，已经变成我的习惯了。真的不知道，我习惯了有你存在我的世界里，你是否也会习惯了有我的存在?

If only you know…

I wished for many things in my life. But at this very moment, my wishes lies in you. A lot of times, I really wish I am there to share with you. Small wishes that you will never know, because I won’t say it out in front of you.

I don’t want to overthink things. I just wish things could just remain as it is like now.

No matter how much worries I have, I can only do the best thing by being myself as usual~ After all, I am just me. =/ Not sure what I’m trying to say. I don’t seems to get tired talking to you. How I wish I could just tell you how I feel at this moment. I start to ask myself, “can we be more than just friends?” “is it possible?” because I feel comfortable around you. I have to say not many people can make me feel that way. You’re probably the 2nd person who can make me feel this way. Never knew how strong it is until something happened. I feel threatened by it. I am worried. But then again, what can I do but quietly blogging while listening to yiruma’s song hope it can calm me.  My first confession to you. =/

Ubah, Ini Karilah?

A very hot and powerful slogan which recently very popular due to our country election tomorrow, 4 years once. For as long as I lived, I never experienced such huge urge for us Malaysian who wanted a change of government so badly. Everyone in the world, every Malaysian, which also including actors, singers and entertainers are coming back from all around the world, just for tomorrow’s big event.

Sadly, I was not eligible to vote. I pray hard for tomorrow’s election,

“This is the Curry! ” =P

We went to eat steamboat to celebrate Tuck Leong’s birthday. Took a picture and tagged him together with See Meng and Kar Ling and Jin Hao in facebook, written:

“又大一岁了，友谊万岁！”

Due to what happened for the past one week, I have learnt a big lesson, think thoroughly of every decision you made, weight the pros and cons, and also be careful of what we wished for. Every action comes with a consequences needed to bear, HOWEVER, Decision has been made ! I will go according to my plan for sure !

I know what my heart wants and I will follow it !

雨是甜的

雨是甜的

大雨傾盆而下的這一刻,
比起相遇那天還要適合,
我哭了,雨捨不得­,
你越模糊了. 
走著走著回憶吧我圍著,
一個人的城市沒有顏色,
彩虹呢,雨狂嘯著­,
聽著夢醒了. 
眼淚苦苦的,雨是甜的 
所以還記得,注定一起躲雨的我們,
時光滴答著,美得像詩歌,我們愛了.
眼淚苦苦的,雨是甜的
堅強回家了
泡在溫水裡等心回溫, 
回憶都涼著,慢慢風乾了 
傷的,總會癒合 
愛情苦苦的,雨是甜的 
偶爾還記得,曾經一起躲雨的我們 
時光滴答著,值不值得 真心愛的 
愛情苦苦的,雨是甜的 
月光太清澈,照著我一個人輾轉翻側 放了,
我會試著快樂 放了,我就值得快樂

I will...

I promised myself I will find someone who pei me to mayday concert next year ! :/ I dono how long I need to get over him but I know someday I will let him go completely. I miss my dii I'm missing my colleague , I feel so lonely :(

记得要忘记

This is a song i accidentally found. A very old song by S.H.E. Mostly of the lyrics is about must learn to forget those memories or leave it untouched anymore. There is a song that helps in my music therapy, it’s call *As you turn away* by Lady Antebellum. *I don’t wanna let you go, but you’re already gone* *Let go of my hand, so I can feel again, nothing gonna hurt as much as that final touch,  No we can’t be friends cause I don’t think I could take seeing you and knowing where we’ve been, I hope you understand. * very meaningful song =)

I’m not sure since when I music-therapy myself to get heal…to move on…although there is always times where i will still miss him, thought of the memories and his face. No matter how, I know I have to slowly let go no matter how, accepted the fact that things won’t be the same anymore.

It’s been a month since at my new company now. Maybe I’m not good in my understanding, but I tried my best to not repeat any mistakes anymore. I don’t want to make mistakes and make Li Yen angry anymore. I can actually sense that she doesn’t like me much. Therefore i told myself to only do my best at work and ignore others. I mean we cant expect everyone to like us ma. My main purpose is to work and save more money =)

Seems to get used to the lifestyle here now, Christmas is coming everything is rushed in my company. Bought a cup for my company Christmas lunch events at Parco Cafe on the 24th of this month. This is my first year spending Christmas here, hopefully its peaceful =)

It feels so good to know when someone told you they think of you =) especially when that someone is someone you’re interested, um I mean he’s quite a nice friend. =) Get to know him through a misunderstanding. Which also because of the misunderstanding I know his name and start to pay attention to him. Starting everything was just a joke between Mei Tein and Irene when I told them I mistook him as our company staff. Things start to change when Mei Tein give me his personal email whereby they used to contact during the auditing process. I took the email and search on facebook and found him. Added him, send him a *thank you for accepting my friend request* message. Haha! It just a polite way of me =) He did reply about few days after he accepted my friend request on facebook. He only asked me once if I’m from LHN group and I say yea. Last Tuesday me and Wai Ting stayed until 9 to pack the *FU* calendar for our tenants and suppliers. It was also on Tuesday night he stayed till 9 and we left together with 2 of his colleague and took the same company bus. Never expect much and just went home as usual. It was until after I finish bathing and saw him fb message me asking me why do I OT today and we start to chat and he asked if I got whatsapp. He gave me his number and then we start to whatsapp that night. They say he got the *mom confirm approve* de face hahahaha. He looks silly but cute. Haha :X I was treating things normally until one morning he asked if I got think of him. Honestly I never expect him asking me such question but I’m happy =) He’s quite caring and sweet enough to ask me about my work in the morning. He took time to apps me even though hes in camp and busy reservists. I would say that’s some effort. =) He also told me he always here to listen to me, which actually makes me feel warm hearted. =)

Anyway, shall not put so much hope yet and goes with the flow. Get to know each other more first for now =) But my instinct tells me he’s interested in me and things are quite positive now. Told jie about things between us and she say this is the normal speed and we are progressing quite smooth and positive. We shall let the fate to decide =) Hope for the best ^_^

As you turn away~

This is quite a meaningful song for me...which the lyrics I would say is so ME! 

Sigh...

I would really agree on most of the lyrics...
especially this few part...

I don't wanna let you go...but you're already gone....
Now you kiss my cheek soft and bittersweet
I can read it in your eye baby this is our goodbye...

Nothing more to say nothing more to break ~
I keep reaching out for you...
hoping you might stay....

Nothing more to give nothing left to take~
I keep reaching out for you, reaching out for you...as you turn away...

Let go of my hand so I can feel again...
Nothing gonna hurt as much
as that final touch...
No we can't be friends 
Cause I don't think I could take seeing you 
And knowing where we've been...
I hope you understand...

我知道

我知道，无论我有多么的不舍，也没办法了...

你终究都把我们结束了...

跟你一起相处的时间, 虽然只有两天, 但是我还是要谢谢你, 让我觉得很开心, 跟你在一起, 回想起来, 在那两天，我的眼里真的只有你, 没有别人...虽然很短暂，但我没有后悔 =)

心里是多么的想要跟你有个未来, 曾经我傻傻的以为我们会有未来, 或许是我给不了你要的东西, 也或许是你还想她...尝试在我身上找到相同的感觉, 却找不到...在回去的巴士旅途中，当眼泪开始流下，很心痛，很不舍。。。记得我在陪你去搭巴士回家，上巴士前，紧紧的抱住你，仿佛知道是最后一次的拥抱，当时并没有想太多，只想抱住你然后不放手，你抚摸我的头发，然后我们就分离了。。。

哭了, 痛了, 无可奈何还是得放下了...无论多么不舍, 我知道我必须放了你, 明白到放过你, 我也放过我自己...如果有一天, 我不再关心你了, 那绝对不是因为我狠心, 而是你让我走了...

我必须停止联络你, 我知道你还是想保留朋友关系, 只是我需要时间来慢慢调整我的心情...毕竟付出的感情不是假的...我是真的很喜欢你...我妈常说, 是你的怎样都会回来的, 现在放手, 如果你们是有缘的, 会在一起的...顺其自然吧...勉强得回来的并不会开心... =/

就让时间去决定, 去帮我负荷我的痛...就如那首歌的歌词那样, *都会过去的* 新工作就要开始了....我知道一切都会很好的...

如果

我承认，我是一个任性的孩子
我想尽办法用我的全世界来换取一张通往你的世界的入场卷
原以为我成功了，到后来才发现，一切只是我的一厢情愿而已
我的世界，你已不在乎了
你的世界，我被赶了出来...

也许，我跟你是注定只能擦肩而过，刻意的挽留，也只能心力交瘁
我想我该学习放手，可能放手，幸福也许就就在不经意间，被留驻了

不要过分去强求不属于自己的东西，因为那样毫无意义，潇洒的放下该放下的...去活出自己的精彩....

我无法去决定 你心中的哪个位子
即使我拼命去努力，学会了付出 珍惜 拥有 却依然无法进入你心里
是不是要等到真的结束了
你才会感觉到我的努力

是不是我消失了你才知道我的对你的意义?

虽然我会痛心，我一旦爱上了一个人会全心付出
一旦我真正决定了死心，
我只会在心里哭一次，然后狠狠地把你忘记

真正的忘记一个人，并不需要任何东西，
时间会证明一切。。。

I won’t give up on us.

Sitting in my room blogging again under my dim light, pick a song that suits this ambience, everything just seems peaceful. =)

I know there is nothing I can do, or indirectly you felt the pressure from me, for that I’m really sorry but it’s because I like you too much.

Heard Jason M’raz’s new song. It’s call *I won’t give up*. The lyrics simply ring a bell to me when I heard it for the first time. I really won’t give up on us, I want to find out the possibilities between us, even I might ends up getting nothing, I wont regret.

I admit I was too intense but I really never expect too much from you, as long as we are still like before, our usual routine, I’m already happy =)

Don’t give up on me, or us. Just don’t. I don’t feel as happy when I’m with other people. It feels different when I’m with you. Feel so safe when you are holding my hands, as if scared I will got lost. I tell myself, this is worth fighting, for we are happy when we spend time together. =)