Bibi

It's been such a long time since I last blogged here. It's been 3 months and 10 days since Bibi left me to be an angel in the sky. I have been missing Bibi a lot lately and I missed the feeling of having a dog by my side that I could kiss and hug her even though she gonna show me a helpless reaction whenever I do so.

I miss her so much but I know deep down its time for her to be an angel in the heaven than continue suffering. Nothing will ever replace her but honestly I miss the feeling of having a dog in my life that I can hug and kiss but perhaps next year.

 

2019...

Can't remember when was the last time i blogged, probably been 2 years or more...

Can't really recall since when, I have always been imagining how would it feels like to blog using a mac book and here I am blogging using this mac book pro that belongs to my company

To some extend, I guess it does feels nice to me, the feeling of proud covers all over me but in terms of software wise, not that great...probably because I (most of the people who born in the 80s) have been using windows ever since we were a kid so it took me quite awhile to learn how to use mac OS to type a report of mine that needs to be submitted latest by Friday

Let's talk about my life lately, I got into my current new job after resting a month (3 weeks ++) back in my hometown, Ipoh. However, 3 weeks seems short due to my tooth, had to go through a rather painful experience of root canal just to save my wisdom tooth, and not to mention it is not cheap at all! (even though its still considered cheaper than here in Singapore as they are charging SGD3000 for the whole session) HOWEVER, I did for around RM2.1k for the whole session) back in Ipoh

After I quit my last job, I was having a period of worrying as I have not been quitting a job without a new one on hand. I guess it was hard to tell my mom about me quitting my job but what she said to me at that time was rather comforting. She said: you haven't been feeling very happy ever since you take this job anyway, just quit and find another one" and I burst into tears and crying over the phone while I was on the phone with my mom, I know she wanted me to be happy but I just can't stand letting her worry about me at my age especially when it comes to my career. I felt useless and kept crying for another 30 minutes. 

However, I feel blessed to be able to find this new job in my period of serving notice at my previous company and able to take a short break of 3 weeks before starting a new job. I am grateful for my current situation where most of my colleagues are nice but there is one that is closest to me, her name is Kristin. We can laugh and talk about anything even though our age gap is rather big! We will help each other without caring so much about who's duty and such. I believe things are getting better and better in my life....

It will be, because I believe :)

Till then, Signing Off! :)

Empty.

Didn’t know where to begin when I’m feeling this way. I feel empty in my life now, not that I don’t count my blessings nor I’m not grateful about what I have in life but I really do feel empty deep inside my heart, it’s like there is an empty hole inside my heart.

A little update on my career, currently feeling so much to leave given what happened early this month. I did not blogged about it because I don’t like to blog about sad stuff as they are not good to be remembered even though the lessons from each bad things will make us stronger than before. The conclusion: Bad things happened for far too many times, mostly are not my fault but by unfair treatment whereby there is nothing can be done at my current place. Solution? Job hunting mode on 150% (Applying as much as I could in a day time) It took me 3 days to digest what happened but I was blessed with lunch treats from my friends and by media who came by and for that I am thankful.

Love Life? Empty. As much as I wanted to talk about someone here, recently there is just no one to talk about? All was just some random chatty buddy which came and go before you can even remember whether it’s Terence, Kenneth, or Liau. Someone say it’s good that you’re not into no one therefore you won’t get sad or hurtled but what surprised me that empty feeling is even worst as you got no one to think about or rather to miss. Two of my fortune teller told me one same truth which I strongly believe in – staying here won’t get me any partner or husband and since my future husband will be someone from other places but not Ipoh, I GOT TO RUN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

Which got me into another issue – My dream to work in Singapore’s hotel. I believe those who are close to me knows well enough of how eager I am to work in just any hotel in Singapore. The Main Problem here is, they got quota issue. It’s always quota issue and I am stuck here. Should I just put aside of my dreams and just get a job in Singapore first? Regardless whatever, I am going to any career fair to see what is available. I really feel so tired that no one cares about me beside my family and some of my good friends. SOME!

I wanted to shout-out, HAPPY BIRTHDAY WAI LING, my closest colleague, I have a confession to make, I really sayang you a lot more than you know and I tend to treat you better than anyone else in the company, do you know that? Of course I’m not lesbian la but I do sayang you to certain extend. I am random and I am not shame about it. This is just ME.

Decisions

In life there are both happy and sad moments. We have been always asked to focus more on the happy moments and let go of those unhappy ones but how often we can really do it? It’s always easier said than done.

Apology Accepted

It happened on a normal afternoon yesterday. As usual, Wai Ling wasn’t free and so I pick up her calls. For the whole time, I didn’t know it was someone I know, and he was looking for Wai Ling but I told him she’s not available but I can help him with his bookings. At first he said “It’s ok I’ll call back, but then I tell him that “You can just tell me, I can help you” and so he told me Booking.com is not allowing him to cancel his booking without the penalty charges. So he couldn’t use his Maxis Voucher.

Within 20 seconds after I hang up the call, suddenly I heard *ding* on Facebook. It was someone unexpected, It’s Khai Yong.

He was then asking me “Hey, did we just talk just now?” I then sense something fishy. Didn't know it was him until he mention. It actually not a big deal that I can’t recognize his voice since we seldom talk over the phone.

It begins like this….

Then we began to chat on Facebook, with him asking me how’s my life going on and do I have a boyfriend yet? I answered all his questions beside the love life issue. Then we continue to chat and he asked again about how’s my love life? I ignored that question because I don’t think he needs to know. And then he called.

First thing was still asking me about my life, and then he ask again about my love life.

Him: You’ve been avoiding my question about your love life.

Me: Why are you so insist to know?

Him: Curious mah…

Me: It’s for me to know for you to find out….

Him: Okay lor….ask only mah….

Then we continue to talk and suddenly he was saying

Him: You sound so fierce on the phone.

Me: Then you know the way I talk to you and the way I talk to others is different.

Him: Are you still mad at me?

Me: Do you think I should be mad after what you did to me? *Pissed*

Him: I’m sorry….

Me: It could have been much better if your sorry can come months ago.

Anyway, apology accepted. 

Said this to him over Facebook Messenger:

“Anyway I'm not angry anymore and I meant it. It's a past and apology accepted. Thanks for the call and I wish both of you happiness and I hope you'll treat her good. “

Dramatic? Unexpected, but I feel so much relieve getting an apology from him.

I wish upon a star…

It’s rather quite a long while since I last blogged. Why? I can be a very good writer but nowadays I blog based on my mood. Listening to some jazz music over my JBL dock makes me feel so relax.

It’s 2016 and it should be a good year the moment he ask me to write out the 3 most important question in my life. He said he will hold my accountability of those goals I set. I guess he doesn’t care about me at all.

Wait! No more talking about him….!

No matter how young I looked, I guess age has finally catch up. I fall asleep quite early nowadays. Back in the days where I can audi until late night at 3am. Now? I’d feel sleepy when it hits 12! Hahahaha

Anyway, Ivan came back to Malaysia last Saturday morning. His first stop is meeting up with the animals in KL. He came back to Ipoh on Sunday and I pick him up at around 915pm then fetch him to the “Tong Sui Kai” but his favorite Wan Ton Mee is closed. He ends up eating Cheong Kei Beef Noodles.

We went to The Deck after that. Finally met up with his little Kai Mui, Chee Kuan :) together with his ex housemate Zion and Chee Kuan’s sister, Belle. :) It was the pre-ROM night for Chee Kuan. Honestly I feel so envy of her that she’s marrying a Pilot :)

I wonder to myself, when will it be my turn? When will it be my guy to be appear in my life? I’m so tired of searching and hoping already. I realize I don’t reply those who doesn't message me much. I’m not gonna waste a minute on those who don’t bother to reply.

May the love of my life appear soon in my life <3

The Truth of Moving ON

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward

Moving forward, and don’t look back….not anymore…

STOP

Stop breaking your own heart by trying to make a relationship work that clearly isn’t meant to work. You can’t force someone to care about you. You can’t force someone to be loyal. You can’t force someone to be the person you need them to be. Sometimes the person you want most is the person you’re best without. You got to understand some things are meant to happen, but just not meant to be. Some things are meant to come in your life, just not meant to stay. Don’t lose yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken. You can’t get the relationship you need from someone who’s not ready to give it to you. And you might not understand WHY NOW, but I promise you, your future will always bring understanding of why things didn’t work out. TRUST ME. Don’t put your happiness on hold for someone who isn’t holding on to you.

Some chapters just have to close without closure. Straight up.

~Trent Shelton

Most Important Question (MIQ)

In this brand new year of 2016, there are a few things on my must-achieve list.

 

In this brand new year, I’ve been inspired to become someone better than who I was currently or years before that. Understand what I want in life through a list call the 3 Most Important Questions which also in short (MIQ) which also introduce by a friend of mine :) This question actually created by Vishen Lakhiani, founder of Mindvalley.

 

Forgot to put in the experience tab, to work in one of the international chain hotel someday this year.

 

Anyway, I love my new nail color! It’s peach and it makes my finger look so fair :p

 

SOMEONE say will hold my accountability on my MIQ for 2016. I knew it when he ask me to send him my MIQ for this year ;/ Perhaps its good to have someone to grow together, a growing buddy or partner :)

 

I will also improve more on my make-up skill. Guess I have lots to achieve this year! Geez! Gonna work harder and stay focus!

 

On the other hand, I always believe no one is as busy as he is until can’t reply a text. It just means the subject is not as interesting as it was anymore. I should always remind myself to remember action speaks louder! Don’t believe a single damn thing a guy said until he really show it via action. Joey Chong! If he’s too busy to even reply a text, perhaps I should find someone who would ! And I do believe that good things are worth the wait and they are on their way to meet me :) Be POSITIVE is the best thing I must do ba :)

 

Career wise I would say I don’t feel productive and to sell a product you just got to love it but I don’t find myself loving a bit of the product I’m selling. The new GM has came by to look see look see last Saturday.

 

Didn’t know he hated his current workplace until I told him I wanna quit mine when I get better opportunity. He actually encourage me to try working in KL. I told him we can only be patience and keep looking for better opportunites which he agrees and doesn’t want to talk much about it. HAHA!

 

Thats all for now, and last but not least,

 

 

A random selfie of 2016 :) Cheers ! :P

Dream Big !

Starting to believe that everything happens for a reason. One door is closed, another door will be opened.

No doubt what happened 2 months ago was one of the darkest moment of my life and it has been very torturing for both me and my family. I admit it my biggest mistake as of now and it was rather very painful to me too personally.

Leaving a comfort zone was definitely another type of pain to begin but I guess it is one of the lesson we have to learn in life. I am very grateful to be able to work under Mr. Eugene, my mentor. He was being very patience towards me and taught me well on a lot of things. One of them was we have to be very meticulous in everything we do. Guess we both are also a fan of perfections when it comes to paperwork. He is always open to my ideas whenever I have in mind. Of course not all my special ideas is “accepted” but still he never once refuse listening to them. He always tell me that I’m the only one who he would spend 45 minutes of his busy schedule to talk to me which for that I’m very very grateful.

Which also due to this incident of me leaving WEIL Hotel, I began to discover my dream, despite I know it’s rather late to finally know what I want in my life in terms of career, well I guess its always better late than never :)

Dream Big is something what Ivan used to do and say to me. His dream is to be with one of the top airlines in the world which he already succeed obviously, happily flying with the uniform he’ve been dreaming of, the Emirates Airlines. Dubai is some place he never thought he will be someday but he focused on his dream and his dreams came true. Talking about my dream, I want to work in one of the chain hotel in the world so I could stay in any property in the world using staff rate. To be honest, small part of me always have the needs of feeling proud of the hotel I’m representing. Perhaps a small part of me has a strong ego needs. It may sound as silly as it seems but this is currently my goals to achieve, hopefully by this year.

IN the mean time, I’m actually working in a small boutique hotel in town. I’ve been taught for only 2 days to actually learn what the gm has been doing for the past 2 years. Honestly, I’m panic like hell, because this is something new to me. Though as good as it seems, yep I’ve been told several times about the beauty of online marketing by the GM. Online marketing I would say is a rather technical and interesting things to learn with guidance. What I have known is the basic fundamental of it, to learn more I would say I need a mentor. Not that I cant learn on my own but I’m really scared. To me, its a place to learn, but achieving my goal is somewhere else, coz I know deep down this is not where I wanted to be.

I would literally never think I would consider KL as an option to work in. All this while it has been either Singapore or Ipoh. But given the competition in Singapore is getting stronger due to the dropping of our conversion rate. It’s SGD1 = MYR3.03. Back to my story, I’m actually considering Doubletree by Hilton. As silly as it may seems, that’s all in my mind now.

Till the next update, that’s all for now.

Wish me all the best peeps ;)

 

Unexpected Events

It was rather an unexpected events that happens on boxing day, as I was turning into a side parking and accident happens. I wouldn't want to go through the details of how it happen, as a summary I was on my way to meet Veronica for a high tea but ends up I paid RM400 to settle everything for the accident.

Guess somebody would think why don’t take it to the police station and settle it there but as any Malaysian would know by reporting a police report you will have to pay RM300 no matter who’s fault it is. Not to mention the medical examination and stuffs which will drag for hours. Towards accident which involves car and motorcycle, they will often biased on the motorcyclist even if it’s their fault.

Positive Points

• Less trouble *I don’t need to bring her for all the check-ups
• Time saving *Police report consume lots of precious time”"*
• Probably won’t be seeing her again as she’s from JB *Thank GOD*

Negative Points

• Compensation Fee for RM400 *Heartache*
• Fear for motorcyclist

Summary

I will need to be extra careful in driving in the future especially around motorcycle.

有人会知道吗？

好想你

此刻 好多的感触  心痛得就要哭了 其实眼泪在眼里打转着

姐说，会过去的。 是的，此刻的一切 都会成为过去，但是 ♥还是不停地痛着

心想说，可以放得下。。。事实却是已经尝试了一段时间

却依然想念 好像大声地告诉他，傻佬，我好想你，尤其是你叫我傻婆的时候

你曾经问我说，喜欢你的陪伴吗？我说是的。。。

你说过会抽时间陪我的，怎么都忘了呢?

我喜欢你，我想你大概也是知道，曾经你也说过：我知道你对我很好 可是。。。。。

你说你习惯了一个人的生活 一个人的时间  就是习惯了 “一个人”

你却不知道我心里 是多么的想在你身边 陪你

最近常常听到 韦礼安 唱着 ”多希望在你身边的是我“

毫无保留的唱出我的心声。。但是你的坚持 把我推得远远地

即使对你再好 你也不会被我感动到吧。。。

我真的好想你。。。。你毕竟在我心里都住几年了

却无能为力。。。。好无奈啊。

Azzura

It was quite an experience but don't really like it much. Maybe I'm born a non club person ha-ha. Free drinks is the only good thing in my point.

Unbearable

No one knows how much I wanted to be with my family. But my money is running and I'm in debt. This is the only fastest way to clear my debt and able to go travel around the world with my friends. 

 

I just wanted a year to go out and see a different world and then I'll come back. Perhaps it's childish to some people. It's not that I'm thinking things will be easy for me out in singapore but I wanted to experience different things while I still can.

 

I wish someone could understand me at this very moment, but then again I can only hope for the best. Wish me luck peeps.

 

Front view

First time sitting on such view, feel abit weird though :x 

2014 2014?

Today is a day it is said to  appear only 19 years once. A day just happens to be 元宵 aka *Zhap Goh Meh* falls on the same day as Valentines Day. Haha. “Happy Valentines Day” Sor Lou wished me on apps.

My thought for today is, “Rather being alone than celebrating today with someone I don’t love. “  I can’t guarantee my plaster is useful on your wound, but I will always be there holding a plaster whenever you need.

It’s been years since that incident happened. I’m not sure if this is fated, the day when we were talking about what we thought of each other, its the same day 3 years later you got your heart broken for the first time. What is the god trying to tell me? It sounds creepy but it really shocked me when I read back our chat log 3 years back.

You may not know but you have a special place in my heart since that *Thor* story night.

However, Happy Valentines Day, Sor Lou. :)

Perhaps.

It’s been some time since I last on my garena. I used to have a valid reason for that but recently that reason is no longer valid.

I have come to accept the fact of the things we both wanted is so different. You wanted someone who doesn’t mind for nothing serious but feels good to spend time together, stress free kind of companionship, you said. You also tend to goes with feelings nowadays, you said. I wanted a relationship but you wanted companionship. I will never able to give you what you want. I must say I have did the best I can the last time we met up. But I guess things between us just doesn’t work out. Should I thank you for not rejecting me? Anyway that doesn’t really make much difference I guess. I’m already letting you go.  I feel its better for me to distance myself from anything related to you at least for a period of time. Didn’t talk much doesn’t mean we are not friends anymore right? Well I think you don’t really care much about me anyways.

It’s almost been 2 months since we last contact. Spacie say you should able to understand why. I guessed. Thanks to my job actually, cause I was able to occupy my time on work than missing you, but after all, do you even care? I guess not. When you apps me 2 months back asking if I’m inactive in game, my first thought was “hmmm, since when you care?” It may not be so nice to say so but that’s just how you made me feel for the past few months. You will never know how many times I thought of you and the things we did together, especially the way you look at me that night. It sounds funny perhaps now to you cause it might meant nothing much to you. I was silly to have thought that we could be together someday, I really did thought of that before.

I really hope all the best to you despite how we ended up not talking like now. Perhaps this situation is also good for both of us, at least for now.

我以为

说不在乎，也以为一点都不在乎。当听到他的消息时，突然间，想念他了。 不知道这样算不算不争气？又或许因为昨晚的梦？很混乱…可是又如何？他根本不在乎我嘛…

我和自己约会

不懂从何开始, 喜欢在写blog的时候听这首歌

或许是因为这首歌会让我更爱自己吧

歌词很贴切，实在有一段蛮长的时间，没有好好的爱自己

过去的几个月，都在好好的尽力去爱他

好好让他开心，甚至去那边陪他

那几天的相处我是很开心 有人会说：太主动了吗？

对我来说，可能是人到了某些阶段

思想的东西不一样 要的东西也变得不一样了

懂得想要就要争取

可以做的我都做了

然而，如果到了最后，付出一切的努力争取了

结果还是得不到，就算了。。。

至少有努力过就好了，尽力了，虽然还记得说，

我曾经告诉自己，努力的争取与付出，无论结果如何，只能 leave it to fate

毕竟说的时候简单 到真正要做的时候，其实蛮难的。。。